(17th April 2026)

I have just finished watching a YouTube video about a guy who left the LDS church in America after experiencing religious trauma and needing to find healing and peace again. It inspired me to write again - to express my recent inner-thoughts somewhere! Whether anyone reads them or not is besides the point, the point is to create something that allows me to process and express... without judgement or resistance. I also, almost always, share my thoughts in case it helps that one other person who is feeling similar and hasn't had the space to express it or is feeling really lonely in their experience.

I left the Catholic Church about 8 years ago, after many years of feeling the misalignment. Sometimes I mention it to a Christian person who will say, oh the 'Catholic Church', that makes sense! Well you should come to my church, it's way better.

But that's not the point. The problem was never with the Catholic Church itself (I actually love a lot about the Catholic church), it was with the idea that I needed a religion at all! I have been to many churches, Christian or not, and have yet to find a place where I feel like I belong. I don't like being told how to have a relationship with God.. just as much as I wouldn't want to be told how to have a relationship with my husband or friend or family member. I would much rather talk to them about it and learn their language before asking someone else!

Why I finally left

The biggest change happened when I discovered mediumship and a two-way connection with God and waht I call 'Spirit' (an network of light beings like angels, guides, loved ones, etc). I had been praying to a seemingly quiet void for years, but now I was hearing the replies! Replies from an all-loving, all-accepting, all-understanding source. A chance to release and free my fears and shame to God. The guy who was supposed to judge and wanted me to be a certain way... was showing me that none of that mattered! What mattered most was love love love and more love.

The journey was complex but to simplify it; my connection to Spirit grew. I connected with angels and passed loved ones, I felt God's pure unconditional love in nature and in meditation. I felt a freedom I had not experienced since early childhood. And I felt that religion had robbed me of this relationship. A chance to get to know God on my own, without someone telling me how to do it.

What came next was the really rocky road to telling people about my new path. I could keep it to myself, but those who know me know this is not how I do things. I slowly told a few friends and close family members, and it felt like what I imagine 'coming out' might feel like; saying things that could potentially disappoint others or cause disconnect in our relationship. A lot of my disclosure was met with confusion or fear, but almost everyone eventually came around to the idea when they had enough time to understand my journey. Some disclosure was instantly met with curiosity and understanding. But all in all I started to feel like being understood was less important than being happy with my own connection.

The judgement hurts

I could say I don't care what people think, but I really do. I really do. I feel like the kid in school who does everything right all the time in order to be praised (which I did do at school), deciding to do everything differently and my own way (which I did not do often in public spaces).

Over the years the biggest judgement I have received has been from Christians, and often people who don't know my heart. This always causes massive disappointment and hurt for me - they preach love and understanding on the one hand, but then the minute my God seems different to theirs I am judged harshly and made to feel like I've lost my way. Many of these were Facebook friends, old acquaintances. Usually people who don't know me that well at all, and yet their comments were hurtful. What has stood out to me the most is that they were willing to impose their beliefs and ideals on me, when I had not done the same to them. I am in no way forcing anyone to drop their belief system for mine!

Imagine finding a relationship with God that is pure, loving and free, and then being told you are dabbling in evil. That the devil wants me to believe that he's good, in order to lure me into some evil scheme. Believe me, if there was an evil scheme it wouldn't be this! Easing pain, easing hurt, helping others to see their worth, guiding people to find more love and healing in their lives. Separating from things that cause harm! Feeling supported and guided every single day by an ever-present, understanding Source of love. And finding community with people who feel the same, and see the same things and speak the same language as me! Without ever being taught this... only experiencing it for themselves!

So yes. I judge Christians. Maybe the same way they judge me. I judge them as closed-minded and stuck. I meet someone who is Christian and keep myself to myself. And immediately think... if you really knew who I was, you would probably want to run away from me. I judge them as judgmental before they've had a chance to know me. And yet... I would absolutely love to speak to someone who is curious and open-minded - who may actually be keen to hear. Because I know they would find the similarities. I know they would feel the warmth and love on my journey.

Random share - I have this illogical panic that some Christian people who have seen my adverts for Conscious Dance, or have read a post on Instagram about my intuitive work secretly hate me. It sounds funny and weird, but as human beings, especially sensitive being, we are wired to pick up on cues that could mean danger.  And I think it's fair to say that for sensitive, intuitive people... judgement and misunderstanding feels like danger. 

Friends I have made who get it

Luckily I am not alone on this journey. I have found so much solace in the friendships I have made along the way. People who have seen the damage church did in their lives, and chose to meet God in their hearts. People who have held space for me in my sadness and hurt and who have asked questions in order to understand my perspective. People who have shared their hearts and helped me to feel that I have community.

In closing...

I know I'm not alone as an unchurched, deconstructing 30-very something female. We're everywhere! But I guess I want to end off by saying... I'm sorry. To anyone who would want to understand my perspective, who would be open to what I have to say, but I have avoided sharing for fear of being judged. And I'd even like to send an apology and love to those who do judge me. You're not judging me exactly, maybe you're just in a phase in your life where religion and those beliefs make sense to you and what I'm doing does not. And that's okay too!

To close off, I'm just asking that the next time you hear someone talking about 'weird' beliefs or ideologies that you don't agree with... maybe just give them space to speak! It doesn't cost you anything to take a pause. Maybe allow them a chance to be honest and open. You may just find that there is more than meets the eye.